Murder most fowl

It was a nice sunday day yesterday, so we took a drive to Kingston-Upon-Thames.
It's a nice area, and it has some lovely bars and things down by the river (I prefer Richmond myself).

Anyway, I parked the car and we took a wander by the river.

Deadfast, in a jovial mood, suggested we hire a speedboat and take a ride up the river.
You can hire speedboats and even canoes all along the Thames, if you know where to look.
I thought about and, after I had made him agree to being a passneger only, we secured the loan of a nifty-looking boat and, with life jackets worn, off we went.

As we pootled along on the river at a nice pace, I relaxed my guard for a moment and actually let Deadfast control the boat.
Big mistake.

The first thing he did was open up the throttle and tear across the water like a bat out of hell.
I was standing as I tried to make him move back to the passenger seat when he suddenly yelled out "DUCK!"
Thinking we had come up to one of the low bridges, and there are a few on this area of the Thames, I dropped onto the passenger seat and ducked my head.
Only to hear a "Quack... THUD" sound that didn't sound like something I wanted to hear.

"I did tell you..." Deadfast began, but I was too busy looking over the edge of the speedboat only to see a duck floating on its side, with a chunk of its head missing. "That doesn't look good..."
"No," I muttered. "Sit here, and let me take over."

I turned the boat around, fished the poor thing out of the water, and quickly bagged it in a carrier bag that was already in the boat (so much for the previous user being tidy after themselves!). I then headed back to the jetty, and we scarpered back to the car (not before I put the duck in a near-by rubbish bin).

Naturally, Deadfast wanted duck for dinner, but I told him to sod off.

Please not: for most cases in the above account, you may be able to insert the word "swan" for the word "duck", but that would result in us having broke a law, and possible treason, so... let's not do that.
I'm saying nothing.