A not-so-smart SM@RT car incident.

I had an afternoon off yesterday, so I headed to Primrose Hill (in London) and paid a visit to a little restaurant I know.

I tucked into a nice pasta salad, washed down with a delightful Spanish wine that complimented the chicken nicely (or was it Mexican? I forget...), and took a stroll around the area since the evening was warm and pleasant.

I was minding my own business, ambling across a zebra crossing, when a maniac in a tiny tiny open-top SMART car came speeding towards me.
I had no time to react and, before I knew it, I had rolled over the windshiled and had fallen into the passenger seat!

"Oh, god!" The driver squealed. "Get out of my fucking car!"
"Erm.... ouch," I muttered, as she pulled the car over. "Thanks for driving like a blind person."
"Oh, piss off you little man... do you know who I am!"
"No... I can't see at the moment due to the blood that is pouring into my eyes."
"Oh... would you like a tissue?"
"I wouldn't say no to a hospital appointment, if truth be told."
"Well, I'm in a rush, so how about I give you a tissue and leave you here by the kerb?"
"Erm..."
"Great, out you get!"

With that she reached over me, opened my door, and pushed me out onto the street. She then slammed the door and pulled into traffic (narrowly avoiding a nun on a bicycle) and drove off at high speed.

"Tissue?" I called after her, but she was long gone.

I heard footsteps and, from where I was sitting on the kerb, looked up and saw the Spanish waitress who had served me my wine earlier come rushing up to me. She had a tissue.
"Ohmigodoyouknowwhothatwas!?"
"I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish."
"I said, do you know who that was?"
"Oh," I mumbled, reaching for the tissue that she hadn't bothered to offer me. "Who? And please don't say Jude Law."
"Jude Law?"
"Yes."
"It wasn't him."
"Oh, good. I'd hate to have a celebrity stalker."
"What are you talking about?"
"Who was driving that car?"
"Keira Knightley!"
"Oh, her."
"Yes! You should have got her autograph!"

With that, she turned on her heel and stalked off back to the restaurant.



I've spent most of the day in bed, resting.
My back is killing me and, worryingly, I think Keira Knightley stole my wallet.